Okay.

A statement like this in a society like today’s, where we’re all about diversity and BOOOO to inequality whilst at the same time we're building an army of black girl magic, applying for our Wakandan passports and then there's Prez Trump. It's all a bit conflicting.

But this post isn’t a debate on race, it's more of a "Am I really saying this??" confession.

And yeah I am. I do sometimes feel a way when I see black guys with white or light skinned girls.
Let that sink in.

Now open your eyes wide to read the following statement:
I do not dislike white or light skinned people. 

I actually really dislike when black people choose to only be friends with other black people. Beautiful souls and gross people come in all colours, so may as well give the whole spectrum a chance.

What the heck are you talking about then Tones?? 
A weak part of me still fights the lie daily that black girls are at the bottom of the heap; the least naturally beautiful with the most bad attitude.

That’s the picture society painted about us for sooo long. Now we’ve switched up the narrative and I’m SO GLAD but there are still some puddles leftover from the years of brainwashing. Seeing girls who aren't particularly black in a position I’d want to be in isn’t a celebration of them in my head, but a direct rejection of my blackness.

I sense I’m not alone in thinking this. Why else do people get so mad at the absence of black or dark-skinned girls in campaigns, on runways, in tv shows etc? I’m not saying they shouldn’t be mad; I understand the feeling of rejection, but I’m just pointing out what I see here. 

Black guys are ‘hot right now’, they’re trending. The mainstream commercial world has found a way to package them to the masses and made them easier to digest; so now people finally have time for them *roll my eyes*. Can I just say, black guys you’ve been dope since the beginning. Don’t mind the world for not seeing it. But now they do (hooray) and so it means I hear more and more white girls say ‘I just love black guys’ which I feel a weird way about. Not because I'm not also attracted to black guys but the timing just seems suspicious.

When people fetishize any kind of person it bugs me. I dated a white guy once who after all a littlewhile made it clear he had a big thing for black girls. Flattering? Kind of. Okay he sees our beauty, great. But he's not really seeing me then. He's got feels for a stereotype that I represent, a generalization and I'm an individual, much more than an object in the box labelled black girl. When you fall for someone only because they tick a superficial box, what motivates you to dig deeper if all you were really into was the wrapping paper?

But with all the insecurities I have regarding race, I know it’s my job to shoot down the lies myself. Because when I’m not being a weirdo, seeing interracial couples makes me really happy. I love when two people can behold a beauty foreign from their own. When they’re willing to dive into each other’s completely different cultures and just get stuck in and learn. It makes me smile and it makes me hopeful.

So how do I get rid of feeling threatened by light skinned and white girls? Guess I have to unlearn the lies I’ve been taught. I have to unlearn that I’m not as beautiful because my skin isn’t light, that my hair would be more beautiful if I had big bouncing curls or long silky hair. I have to unlearn that I’m uninteresting and not exotic because I only have one flag in my Instagram bio and not two. (You guys know there’s a real pride that comes with saying you’re a bit of this and a bit of that. Shout out to all you who insist you’re one nineteenth Cuban. Hold tight to that, I’m sure it’ll take you places haha).

I need to accept who I am and know my value doesn’t yo yo up and down with people’s changing preferences. Black girl magic isn’t just about elevating the levels of black girl hotness by bathing in highlight, laying your edges to death and being a boss lady extraordinaire. For me it needs to be me accepting my ‘magic’ so to speak. Being secure in my beauty which is different, my hair which is different and what I can bring to the table not just as a black girl but as a person. It’s being confident and knowing the acceptance and love of another doesn’t have to spell out the rejection of me. And if it does in that instance, I must choose to keep accepting me even whilst society tries to shove me in at the bottom of the heap. I need to know I am truly ‘magical’. I am unique, beautiful and bring something wonderful to the atmosphere. I am the maggi to your stew, if you will.

I’m wearing all black because I look damn good in it! The beret is super cute right?

Outfit details:

• ASOS Tall Ultimate Leather Look Biker Jacket - £35. I bought a size 10.

• ASOS Mini Bodycon Dress with High Neck and Zip Detail In Rib - £20. I bought a size 10 easily could've worn an 8 looking back.

• ASOS Wool Beret - £10. I have a big head so if it fits me it'll fit you.

• ASOS Sheer Floral Socks - £4.50.