Get Off My Back About Dating Please, Thanks.
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‘So, what’s up with you?’ can be the most loaded question when you’re in your 20s and single.
No, seriously. If you’re in this demographic then you know what I’m talking about.
I’ve been asked that question in various forms over the past few weeks and months. Are you seeing anyone? Chirpsing anyone? Any guy on the scene? Who are you talking to?
My family and friends, are that curious about why I’m bae-less, huh?
Aww. I’m flattered.
No really, I am. It’s nice that the people in my life care about who I’m with. Maybe they're really concerned about my future happiness. Maybe they think I’m just too peng (attractive) to grace this world alone. Maybe they’re scared my face and boobs will have shrivelled up by next Saturday due to my old age (I’m 24) and so I better get to finding this man ASAP. As lovely as each of these possibilities sound in their own way, what’s less cute is me having to explain myself and or worse defend why I’m single. It’s not something I can even control *shrugs shoulders*.
And, many aunties will shudder at this, but: being single in your 20s is not a sign of deficiency. It doesn’t mean your lacking or behind or not doing something you’re supposed to. This goes for single people that want to be in a relationship at some point (like myself) and single people that never want a legit relationship as long as they live.
You don’t need to respond to my relationship status with some kind of how can I help you or you poor girl unless I ask for it. Being single is not a sickness to be cured, it’s just a fact like the weather. For example, under normal circumstances it’s either raining or it’s not raining, but when it isn’t we don’t look to cure the sky, it’s just not raining. Get my point amigo?
A lot of probing and not-so-subtle pity can put me in the headspace of ‘I am single, woe is me’, and I hate that because really woe isn’t me. I live in one of the richest parts of the world, I finished my degree, I’m carving out my career and have so many opportunities and experiences at my fingertips. I have the room to explore who I am and who I don’t want to be, with not much responsibility for anyone other than myself. I am as free and content as I choose to be.
Being single isn’t a problem. It’s just a mere fact (like the weather). Do you want to know what I see as a problem? Getting towards the end of your overdraft. Also a problem - feeling like you’re not passionate about anything in life. Big problem: going for your bikini wax, knowing full well that you left it too long and so this wax is about to hurt like a mother. I do not see a boyfriend anywhere here on this list for me, neither would having one prevent any of these situations.
I do want to be in a relationship with someone tall, sexy and bearded at the right time. But I can fall in love, literally at any time. I can’t necessarily do other things I want to do at any time, so baefriend/husbae can’t be priority number 1 in my life. I won’t let others make him that and neither should you if you don’t want to, single person.
So friends and family, to answer your original question of what’s up with me. Quite a few things that I’m really excited about, career-wise, blog-wise and life-wise; none of which include a boyfriend at this current moment in time.
I know that you care/are being nosey but please let me and the other single people you know live. Also, while you’re at it, try having some enthusiasm about the other areas of our lives. A whole person matters, not just their relationship status.
Kind Regards,
the longlimbedlady, writing on behalf of herself (and other oppressed single people).
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